Welcome to lovequeer
Queer: verb
a. to consider or interpret (something) from a perspective that rejects traditional categories of gender and sexuality : to apply ideas from queer theory to (something)
b. to make or modify (something) in a way that reflects one's rejection of gender and sexuality norms
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Queer. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved February 9, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/queer
I am an aromantic asexual lesbian. I am also polyamorous and a relationship anarchist. Being open regarding my identity is an intentional choice for me. Asexuality and aromanticism are particularly invisible identities within the LGBTQ+ community. Non-monogamy is also still pretty taboo, despite an increase in public discussion on the topic in recent years. The combination of asexuality, aromanticism, and polyamory is especially uncommon and raises a lot of questions for most people. We need space for people to share openly and be curious if we're ever going to reach a collective understanding and acceptance of nontraditional relationships.
Society gives us very rigid scripts for what relationships are supposed to look like: monogamous, straight, both sexual and romantic, leading to marriage, lifelong. A successful romantic relationship is expected to be at the core of a successful life. This model doesn't work for everyone. Personally, I'm not interested in marriage or being in an exclusive or rigidly hierarchical relationship. Nor do I experience sexual or romantic attraction. What I do deeply want is a level of intimacy and commitment in my relationships that can be hard to access without subscribing to the traditional romantic relationship model.
Queering relationships, queering how we understand the very idea of love, is continually fascinating to me. What can we learn from questioning the idea that a monogamous romantic relationship is the ultimate ideal? How can our lives be enriched by taking platonic relationships a little more seriously? What joys can we find by blurring the lines between friendship and romance?
I've spent a lot of my life thus far figuring out how to create the relationships I want on my own terms and I've been very lucky to have some wonderful people in my life who've been willing to figure things out right alongside me. I hope sharing a little of what I've learned will ease the way for others. I've created this blog as a space to explore my ongoing learning about ways in which the aromantic and polyamorous communities in particular shed light on new ways to understand relationships, community, and connection.